The final step addresses the most common confusion: money and contact are different things. The child may see both parents, and the payer must pay — neither rule is a lever against the other.
Contact: a right independent of the money
The right of contact and the duty to pay exist independently of each other. Neither side may link them, though both try.
✓ Verified: 01/08/2026
WHAT TO DO
› Details and tips
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Max recommends:
We argued for six months while mixing money and contact together. What helped was separating them: one handled with the office, the other between us.
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Lea recommends:
Put the contact schedule in writing, even in a message. Arguing about what was agreed costs more energy than the schedule itself.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Can I refuse contact if they are not paying? ▾
No. The child has a right of contact with both parents, and it is not consideration for maintenance. Refusing contact over arrears is unlawful and weakens your position in any later proceedings.
Can I stop paying if contact is refused? ▾
Also no, for the same reason. The maintenance duty exists regardless of whether contact took place. Stopping payments creates arrears and brings you no closer to seeing the child.
Who decides the contact schedule? ▾
The parents themselves in the first instance. Where agreement fails, the youth welfare office mediates free of charge, and only after that does the family court decide, guided by the child’s welfare.
Is there a right to information about the child? ▾
Yes, a parent living apart may request information about the child’s personal circumstances where there is a legitimate interest. This is a separate right and exists even where contact itself is restricted.